Catch My Breath (Logan)

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She didn't quite know what was happening to her. She was in Philip's bathroom cleaning herself up and having a mini breakdown silently in front of the mirror. He was still out like a light. A smug look on his features even as he slept. She'd showered and she'd made sure to lock the door as she scrubbed her skin pink. Then she'd vomited for a solid five minutes while her body shifted slowly.

As she brushed her teeth with one of Philip's spare tooth brushes he kept in a drawer for when family or friends came by she thought about what she was going to do. She'd snuck another shirt of his and sweats and then padded into the kitchen. Writing him a note she left it on the table. She worked on cleaning up after herself and tossed her old dress and torn things.

Philip,

I hope you slept well. I cleaned up after myself. I have to head home and run errands. I'll call you later.

M.


As she looked about, debating what she should do next she felt a summons and disappeared in a golden light. The note on the table the only indicator that she had been there.


She felt the warmth surround her as she realized just where she was. Kneeling respectfully she kept her head bowed. She didn't know how long she was there or even how much time had passed. To some it might be an instant, to others an eternity. All she knew was that she appeared in front of Logan. A white robe replacing the borrowed clothing from Philip. She blinked and looked at him a moment, "Israfel?" she said uncertainly as she looked at her form. There were no braces or indicators of her disability. Her brown eyes looked confused as she wiggled her toes in a pair of sandals.

As if thinking too much knocked her balance she fell back onto her butt, her wings flapping out as she sighed and looked up at him, "I'm a little confused." she admitted as she tried to stand back up, her legs wobbly. "The Father decided it was time for a change." she said sheepishly as she wiggled her toes experimentally. She noticed how individual everything felt instead of her whole foot moving when she tried to move her toes. She seemed transfixed by such a simple thing.

[israfel]

Though he did not agree, he was present in spirit to watch the transformation. Israfel could never tell Mari that he had argued against this, however, as he would rather have her stay where she was. Everytime they did this she was seperated from him, she was put through a lifetime of pain alone, and then she was recycled again when her time was up. This was to be the last time they recycled him, he would be as he was for eternity, until the reckoning.

When it was done, she was sent to earth to be before him in all her former splendor. Her white robe was a symbol of her station, one she once wore proudly, but now seemed to be a stranger in her own skin. At first his earthly body sat there, staring as if it was beyond time and space. However, as she started to make noise, Israfel's chest rose and fell, his eyes coming back to life as he returned.

"I am here." he replied, though his tone held a hint of bitterness. Standing, he offered a hand to the woman before him who seemed to marvel at such a tiny thing that most took for granted. He could not blame her, she spent most of her life cut off from such a thing, even being forced to overcome mortal problems. Now, however, started the countdown to their seperation and he was not happy.

"He decided to give you back your power, your true power. Be forewarned, however, that now Pyriel knows that you are here as well. We are a beacon to one another if we listen closely, now he can find you more easily." he said, sounding disappointed. Sighing softly, he gave her the once over with his eyes before stopping to consider that maybe it was for the best. When he thought of how well she had done taking care of herself before, however, he didn't think she was ready.

"With the chaos of what is going out there, you are no longer safe. You regain your abilities, but so to do you regain all your mortal enemies, all of our fathers enemies."

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

Looking at him she blinked, "You are upset? Why?" she said as she tried to stand and felt dizzy, "I don't know..." she felt a wave of dizziness hit her and she fell against him, "My head...so much...." she mumbled, looking a bit drunk and very disoriented, her stomach was churning but she shoved it aside, worried for him, "Have I done something wrong? I don't understand...." she still felt very unsteady and she shook as her body was still transitioning, "I felt like I died...." there was a part of her going into shock. The human part who couldn't fathom everything that was happening.

She closed her eyes and tried to exhale she was picking up on snippets from him, nothing she could piece together, "You just got here don't leave." she whispered softly clutching him instinctively. "I didn't mean to do bad things as a werewolf. I thought they said they weren't angry about Philip?" she was very confused. There was so much information coming into her mind her ability to comprehend was slow to catch up in this mortal form. She shivered and curled into him, sweat broke out on her forehead and she looked up at him.

"He knew I was here before. He saw Jyo and I when we went to investigate." she said as she began to focus on his words. "If I am not safe here where am I safe?" she said as she shook. Her hair tickled her face as she shook her head and images began to fill her mind.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She was a ball of light with no form. Safe and happy. She loved everyone and popped into places here and there to see what her kind were doing. She didn't even know what she was she just knew her name was Zadkiel and she was happy. For some reason the father was protective of her. She didn't understand then, how could she? Man had not been created quite yet. Time was a nebulous thing she only knew she was safe as she saw it. Looking back on it now with a human understanding she saw how not everyone was as happy as she was. Lucifer was beginning to grow discontent. And then their was Azazeal, he was Lucifer's best friend and although she did not know it the way he looked at her would not be the way any being should look at another. At the time she knew none of this. She just tried to make everyone happy.

It was shortly after she met Azazeal that she was given a form. She was kept isolated for a bit while conversations went on about her. Azazeal didn't want to respect the isolation. He kept trying to see her even though he knew the rules and knew he shouldn't be there. He kept trying to approach her and the look in his eyes, for the first time in her existance she was afraid.

She fled, it was the only thing she could think to do. She hid herself from him and trembled. The father found her and soothed her fears away although she did not understand why she had felt that way. Something was not right although she could not have explained it. Then she saw Israfel and she knew she would always be safe with him. And so such was the way of things and she did not question it but Azazael argued and fought. He hated Israfel and wanted things to be different than what had been planned.

Then the rebellion happened and sides were chosen. She wept as she saw her brothers and sisters leave and felt like her being was being torn in two. Indeed from that moment on she would never feel as whole as she once had been because the heavens now knew discord and war. The opposite of what she was. The battle raged and she fought valiantly, for all that she was no warrior. She took up the sword as needed and the bow, rare though it would be for her. Lucifer was defeated and he and his followers were cast into hell.

She then was sent to earth to remind mankind that they were loved and that the creator was there for them. She was lonely and missed Israfel and on rare occasion they were allowed to be together but their duties kept them separate. This was part of what it meant to help mankind. She felt sad but she knew she was not as wise as the creator and so accepted it. What she could not accept was Azazeal coming back lifetime after lifetime to try and force a bond he was not meant to have. Each lifetime made him more insane and jealous. The father tried to show him but this lifetime he had proven he was beyond redemption.

++++++++++++++++

She felt herself screaming and rocking as her memories tried coming back, the pain of others hitting her as if it was happening to herself. She clung to Israfel and she shook hard as if convulsing. Her memories were returning but it was not without cost.

[israfel]

His feelings could not be helped, she was not suppose to be this. That was the promise, that was what he asked for. As much as it would pain him in the end, he wanted her to find some sort of peace in a mortal end. Israfel did his best to shield that bit of information, he figured that she would not know how to properly deal with something like that. Eternity was an awful long time, he longed to see her soul find some measure of rest, even if it meant that he had to give her up someday. Yet it seemed that he did not keep his word, there was some other plan at work here that over rode the needs of one angel.

"Come, it's quieter here." he said, wrapping the woman in his arms as she fought the pain. Bending his knees, Israfel propelled himself through the ceiling, smashing a hole in it as he went. It wasn't graceful, however he didn't care much for that right now. The wind would wash over them as he climbed higher and higher into the night sky. It was cold, but to him it felt like nothing, his skin did not bare any sort of sensitivity to the cold night air. Soaring high over the Los Angeles skyline, you could see everything from this height, yet there was nothing but the sound of the wind up here.

"Such is the danger of being inbetween worlds. You cannot handle either trauma well enough. You need to choose a side, soon, or else things will go bad very quickly." he said quietly, closing his eyes as he listened to the sounds of the world below them. As Angels they could hear things that others could not, hopes, dreams, prayers for help. They were endless, there was no way one being could hope to answer them all. On the other hand they were forbidden from helping with most of them, the humans had to learn to stand on their own. "You're living on the fence of two lives. You must commit to one." he said simply.

The rest did not matter, he knew that Pyriel had already spoken to her. "I know, I just meant that he can now find your location more easily. It takes great care and concentration to hide ourselves from one another." he said, warning her that there would be trouble. The worst was yet to come, however, as she started to scream from the force of the invasion. His rebirth occured over the span of ten years, hers was happening right now. If she chose to let it happen, she could shed her mortal coil and become what he was if she so chose. Choice was always the biggest problem of this world, most had no idea what to do with it.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She shivered and ducked her head as he burst through the ceiling. The house would repair itself although she did complain to him that he should give her some warning. She felt the air shift around her and hugged him tightly till he could glide. She gasped as she saw how high they were and her own wings opened instinctively. "Israfel?" she felt his pain and sorrow, "Don't be sad. I am here. Philip took me away for a while but I'm back now." she said as she hugged him. "Please don't be mad, I think I embarrassed myself last night but I didn't hurt anyone." she assured him. He could probably read her disjointed thoughts enough to know what had happened to her, if he didn't already know. She had been so focused on not harming another that she had no defenses for anything else. She worried he'd be angry. He was so volatile it was hard to know what would anger him.

"If I stayed mortal Azazeal would hunt me down. You know this is true. He always has." she touched her forehead to his, "Besides do you think I could leave you so easily?" she hugged him tightly, "We do what the Creator needs us to. You know this. Even in between as I am I know this." she projected comfort to him. She was hurting, it was true but she had survived such things and would make it through with his help. "I need you to teach me how to be what I was. There are things happening on this world and we need to be ready for them."

She lapsed into silence, closing her eyes as he held her and focused on him, trying to ease his troubled mind as best she could. It gave her a sense of peace to help him. It balanced her. All of her worries melted away, not that she had many mortal ones. She'd always been working to make the world a more balanced place. Helping where she could. Now she tried to help him remember what he needed to. She didn't know what the creator needed from him but she would help him. "There are things you need to do as well, Israfel. You have tasks. The Father would not have sent you down here if you did not. How may I help you?"

[israfel]

There was that overwhelming temptation again, the one that led their brothers and sister astray the first time. That overwhelming thought that perhaps they were becoming second class citizens, that their needs came second to those that were made after. It was hard to fight such a feeling, the anger that built up inside of you when you thought about it. Israfel didn't want to think it was true, he did his best to remain faithful as he was just brought back from the darkest place one could hope to be. One would think hell was worse, yet this was not true, purgatory was far worse than either option. In heaven you knew peace, in hell you knew pain, but in purgatory you simply existed.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he realized that Marina's wings were extended as if he had frightened her. The baffling thing about this moment was that his own were not, that he was somehow pulling off this gravity defying feat with sheer willpower. "I cannot help how I feel. It is within my right to feel this way, as it is within my right to say what I think. You need to break free of them, Marina, all of them. Stand on your own, shine bright, and let your mortal existance go." he urged her. He could see that she was struggling, that she didn't know what to do, how to move forward. She was clinging to the fear that she experianced in her mortal coil, but she was no longer that person.

"Nothing will harm you now, not if you do not needlessly put yourself in a bad situation. Vampires, Werewolves, neither side will be good for you in the end. Let them sort out their differences on their own, leave them to their night time dealings." he said, listening for some sort of prayer he could answer. He wanted to show her the power of their miracles once more, to show her that she could be more than some piece of meat fought over by two abominations. "Promise me that you will focus on the task before us. If you do not focus then you will not make it through this time. This is far worse than anything that we have ever faced." he said, his tone nervous.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She could sense his frustration, his anger and resentment, she touched his face gently, "Israfel, I know you are angry and hurt but please...stay with me. Don't let these feelings harden your heart. Don't leave me alone when you just came back. Your anger is not a place I can follow..." she said softly as she tried to take his pain from him and ease his pain. She hugged him tighter and she tried to soothe him as best she could.

"I understand, Israfel." she said softly with a bow of her head in aquiecence of his words, "I shall set the wheels in motion as best I can. Trent was my charge, I had hoped to remind him of what he was and show him and them that there is always hope for redemption no matter how far gone one may be." she believed it. She believed that that was what she was here for, "But I will not allow them to sway me from my duty. I will try to heal the hurt I have caused and find Pyriel if he can be found." she said softly.

"I have always left them to their dealings as best as I was able. I tried to mitigate the harm they caused. It is not in me to ignore something when it presents itself to be fixed. You know this. Still, I will do as you wish. I know you would not steer me wrong. I will try to be worthy of you and strong." she said softly. She tilted her head as he seemed nervous, "Why are you afraid, Israfel? Do you know something I do not? I know you may not be able to speak on it but please, if you are permitted please tell me."

Of course things would progress slower than she would like, but as he would see she would work hard to find Pyriel in the coming months even as she faced down Trenton, Philip and to a lesser and greater degree her mother and Lidija with varying degrees of success.

Philip kissing her would bring it all home. Ironic that it was a kiss that would show her that Trenton and he loved her for what they wanted her to be and not what she was. That pain would hurt her but she would do her best to focus past it. In reality that hardship would focus her as nothing had before. She would do her best to evade Philip and to a degree Trent but time would tell how well that succeeded.

"Do you really think it is foolish for me to hope for redemption for all?" she said softly, her eyes wide as she looked at him. She needed comfort and reassurance. Her intent was pure and her heart was in the right place but Israfel had at this moment a closer connection in some ways.